Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Oh, the accusations!

When one goes through a divorce the friends and family of the couple feel that they have to choose sides. It's inevitable no matter what you say to them. Most will walk away, some will become distant and then there are the others. These are the ones that pretend to be supportive of you but then as soon as they are not in your company get on the phone with others and play the "Did you hear...." game.

I'm a strong person, at least that is what I keep trying to tell myself. However, you never really know how strong you are until your hand is forced. I also try not to let what others say about me affect me, but again it's inevitable because things really can slip in and force you to be uncomfortable. And then there are the accusations, oh how I love these. There are some people going around saying "well you don't know her like I know her", or "She isn't what she portrays herself to be". So I've decided to tell you what you want to know and what you will take and twist around to make me look bad, and you know what that is ok because none of us is perfect. I figure at the end of this if you choose to be my friend then I know who my "true" friends are. It just weeds the friend list out a little quicker.

1. I have bipolar disorder. There I have confessed to the world that I have a chemical imbalance that for years I tried to deny. Guess what though, I quit denying it and I am now medicated and stable.

2. I smoke. Yep I do. This is my form of self medication. This is what got me through all of the years I was in denial about my bipolar.

3. I smoked while I was pregnant. Go ahead and kick me while I'm down. I know this was wrong and I know I will one day have to answer to God for this. However, even though I was too WEAK to quit smoking during those times, how dare you tell me "You didn't love your kids enough". I won't make excuses for it wrong is wrong but you don't know how much I do love my kids.

4. For a lot of years my house was dirty, yep dirty. I have never been the best housekeeper and probably never will. But I invite you to come on over and see the changes that I have made, except for the playroom that I can guarantee you will always be a wreck, I'm slowly getting better. A lot of this probably has to do with my depression.

5. My children have run outside in the rain in their underwear, I've brought them right back in, but apparently this makes me a neglectful mother.

Feel free to add anything you think I have missed. Apparently my life is an open book. But, I want you to know this, from this second on,  I DON'T CARE! I don't care what you have to say about me, to me, or to friends. That will just show your true colors. I'm not a perfect person and I never will be, but day by day I'm making changes to improve myself. Oh and do me a favor, ask my kids if they feel neglected or unloved.

If after knowing all of my dirty little secrets you still wish to be a part of my life, thank you. And for those of you who don't I wish you all the best.

1 comment:

  1. People need to shut the front door!!! They are acting stones at glass houses. Unless your a terrifying control freak of a mom stuff happens! You're human a d I've yet to know of the rain carrying your child off in his underwear. I have a three year old who likes to stand naked in the window.